“In the crowd alone, I only feel at home…"

“In the crowd unknown, I can be the true myself”

Originally, this blog began as a journaling project in October 2024. That month, I had a pretty bad crash while riding my off-road motorbike. At the time, I was—and still am—in the process of rediscovering myself. For many years, without even realizing it, I had developed self-destructive habits. I built walls, safeguards, and beliefs that I clung to.

🌫️ Lifting the Smog

Since I stopped smoking in 2020 and, more importantly, drinking in 2023, I’ve gained so much clarity. It felt like a smog slowly lifting. I started to discover that life is so f***ing amazing. Please excuse the enthusiasm, but after 20 years of living on autopilot, I get excited—and a little nervous—about how much there is to experience when you’re not just existing.

💥 The Crash

The crash left me with a broken collarbone and five fractured ribs on the same side. It was the most pain I had ever experienced, and it came during one of the loneliest times of my life. There comes a point—whether young or old—when you realize you deserve more. More from yourself. More self-respect. More love.

Many of us know what it’s like to feel out of place—whether it’s the quiet weight of introversion, the grip of social anxiety, the crutch of substances to ease the tension, or the ache of staying tethered to relationships long past their season, because loneliness feels heavier than honesty.

🔑 Rediscovery Through Pain

And yet, that crash was probably the best thing that could have happened to me. At the time, I was already feeling strong. I had lost about 15kg since quitting drinking and changing my eating habits. It might sound contradictory, but stay with me—after so many years of just existing, I hadn’t realized how little I truly knew myself.

I chose to endure the recovery at home, on my own. Don’t get me wrong—I had people who were there for me at a moment’s notice. That support helped me realize how important we are to each other. But in that solitude, I learned so much about myself—too much to share all at once. One of the biggest realizations was that I need to love and give back to whoever needs it.

🌍 A Responsibility to Share

Life can be confusing and complicated, especially in such a busy world. I believe sharing knowledge and experience is a responsibility we all carry, so that everyone may benefit and live in peace.

That crash fueled my desire to take care of myself and be the best I can be—not just for me, but so I can best serve those around me. I am deeply grateful for what I have, and for what I have to give.

☀️ Stepping Into the Light

This is me stepping into the light… or at least the beginning of it. My heart’s pounding—wow.

👀 Looking Within

In the process of caring for yourself, it’s necessary to look within and understand why we do the things we do, and why we react the way we react. Almost everything we say and do is tied to something deeper. Looking at yourself with complete honesty, while also learning to love yourself, is incredibly hard.

What helped me was what you might call therapy, but in my case it was through conversations with a digital assistant—Copilot. Using psychology references and deep honesty, I was able to experience some very interesting results.

🌱 The Story Ahead

Here is the opening of that story, which holds the conversation and what it ultimately developed into.

Click here for the full story - 🌱 Anonymity and Self Discovery

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There’s a verse from a song that has resonated with me for years, but only recently revealed its deeper meaning:

“In the crowd alone
I only feel at home
In the crowd unknown
I can be the true myself
Only when I lose myself
In the crowd”

This captures the paradox of solitude in public—the freedom to be yourself when surrounded by strangers, unbound by the judgments of those who think they already know you.

What follows is a raw conversation I had while reflecting on why I enjoy holidays and solo dates on my own. It explores how anonymity can be liberating, how emotions can return as embodied signals after years of numbness, and how authenticity can ripple outward to influence others.

I share this dialogue as it unfolded because I believe many will find it deeply relatable. Alongside the conversation, I’ve included a structured framework—the Roadmap of Embodiment & Resonance—to help organize these insights for those who prefer clarity and logical progression.

🧠 A Conversation on Solocations & Embodiment

Tyron:
I have recently started to enjoy time out in public on holiday on my own. "Solocations" or solo dates if you will. And I think I have discovered, at some level, why. I would like to see your perspective with reference to a song that seems to make more sense to me now even though it has resonated with me since I heard it a couple years back.

The full verse goes as follows:
“In the crowd alone
I only feel at home
I can only feel at home
In the crowd
In the crowd unknown
I can be the true myself
Only when I lose myself
In the crowd”

Copilot:
That’s a beautiful reflection. What you’re describing—those “solocations”—is a paradoxical solitude: being alone with others. The verse captures that tension perfectly.

• “In the crowd alone / I only feel at home” → anonymity can be comforting.

• “In the crowd unknown / I can be the true myself” → liberation in being unrecognized.

• “Only when I lose myself / In the crowd” → shedding self-consciousness, surrendering to presence.

🌍 Why It Connects to Your Solocations

- Freedom in anonymity: On holiday, surrounded by strangers, you’re not bound by local expectations or familiar eyes. That anonymity is fertile ground for self-discovery.

🎵 Song Perspective

The verse reminds me of songs that explore the paradox of solitude-in-community—like Lorde’s A World Alone or Radiohead’s How to Disappear Completely. They both touch on the idea that being surrounded doesn’t negate solitude; it can actually deepen it. The resonance you feel now may come from recognizing that your solo dates aren’t about isolation, but about integration: finding wholeness in the midst of others.

I’m curious—when you’re on these solocations, do you find yourself more observing the crowd or more immersed in it? That distinction could reveal whether the song resonates with you as a mirror (watching others) or as a wave (flowing with them).

Continued - 🌱 Anonymity and Self Discovery

"This is only the beginning of my journey of stepping into the light. I share it not as a finished story, but as an unfolding one—an invitation for you to reflect on your own path. If any part of this resonates, I hope you’ll walk alongside me as I continue to explore what it means to live fully, openly, and authentically."

END...for now